Category Archives: life

Josie’s World

If you told me that my adventure would begin with a 6+ hr drive each way to meet two dogs and possibly, just possibly adopt them if all went well, I would never have believed you. But that was what we did and that is how Josie came into our lives. It was one of the best days of my life.

Josie fit right into our home, our heart, and our lives. It really could not have gone any better. Her story was almost like a fairy tale. She came from a sad situation and thanks to other kind souls who look out for dogs she made it into our lives. She quickly adapted and fit into our lives.

Josie was a bit shy and nervous when she first came into our lives and seemed to rely heavily on her sister Little Kira for cues as to how this new world she found herself in was supposed to work. If Kira was OK with the situation Josie would be ok with the situation. She generally hung back but would eventually relax and fit in. She wasn’t the kind of dog that would go running up to people to befriend them, but she loved people.

Josie quickly found comfort in our lifestyle that focused on taking our dogs with us as much as we could. She began to adapt and become more outgoing. There were even times she would much to our surprise really become interested in meeting new people and just want to go up to people she had never met and solicit attention from them. This is something that she did not do when she first came into our lives.

It is hard to quantify Josie’s personality. She is almost two different dogs. The one constant is that she is always just kind of living life on her own terms. She is the quintessential dog who lives life in the moment in their own world. She might be completely oblivious a lot of the time but that is part of what made her so lovable. Out in public Josie is shy and reserved, but calm. She never made a noise. I cannot recall a single time Josie barked in public. At home she is much more animated. She used to howl like a beagle. She gets excited by the goings on outside the house and the other dogs inside the house and will bark with excitement. Josie was our early morning rise and shine warning machine. When she first came to us she slept in a crate because if she didn’t she would wake up and literally trample us in our beds as soon as she woke up in the morning. As she calmed down living with us she was able to sleep without being in a kennel but she was still alerted strongly to our alarms and as soon as they went off she started running around and barking ready to go outside and start yet another amazing day of life. If we slept in too long she would wake us up with barking and pacing telling us, today is a beautiful day to live life, get up sleepy heads. It we tried to ignore her she would eventually get up in bed and give us a good full body massage walking on us and rolling herself all over us until we decided it was a good day to get up after all. It is crazy how that thing you wish you had been able to train your dog to stop doing is one of the things you miss the most once it is gone. I would give it all up to have that 80 lb dog jump up in bed and roll around on top of me with the reckless abandon she lived life especially when she was at home with us.

Unfortunately we lost Josie’s sister Kira early and we were very concerned how this would affect Josie being as shy as she was. After an initial adjustment period and lots of loving she became more confident even without her sister as her constant companion. She continued to be our companion on our various trips from small things like walks in the park, to visits to local breweries to see friends, to hiking at state parks. She did it all and was always so well mannered and easy going. Having Josie with us was one of the easiest dog experiences ever. She was almost no work at all to be with. She was not the type of dog that you had to constantly tell to stop it or anything like that. She was just completely chill and relaxed, willing to go along with whatever we had in mind with no complaints.

I will never get over the effect that our Berners have on people and Josie was no exception. Despite her very laid back personality and the fact she never went out of her way to get attention from people, people fell in love with her. She was always very welcoming of attention from others. People would approach and ask if they could pet her and we always said yes, but noted that she might not even pay attention to you. She doesn’t even sniff the hands of strangers when offered. She just stands there and does her thing. Sometimes she just seems oblivious to the world around her. But in a way that is what made her the perfect dog for our lifestyle. We liked to do things with our dogs and basically nothing fazed Josie, she just went about her business. Children loved Josie and that seemed to be even more apparent in recent months when we brought her to as many events as we could where she would just be around people we knew and loved and seeing the children at these events always wanting to say hi to Josie and pet her just makes you so happy to se the effect that she has on children.

We love to camp and have taken several of our dogs on camping trips, but we have never taken any of our Berners camping. This year we wanted to try to take Josie for a short camping trip to see how it would go. Then we got the devastating news that she had a mass growing on her spleen and a mass growing in her mouth. We were beside ourselves. We had no idea how much time we would end up having with her. We feared the worst. One of our amazing friends arranged for us to be able to take Josie on a camping trip some where local so we could make sure we got to have this experience with our dog that we wanted to have.

This last month we had with Josie was made even more special by all the time we spent taking her out to do things and many of those memories included time spent with our friends and their families. Our friends and family have always been a great source of support and strength in the toughest times and they continue to be now. Josie will live on with us forever in our hearts.

It was always Josie’s world; we were just living in it.

Feeling Failure

I think one of the biggest challenges in life is that from time to time we all will experience this sense of failure. No matter what we are doing in our lives or how well of we are or how much we are struggling there will be times were we just have this sense of could we really be doing any worse than we are. We will question ourselves. We will wonder if what we are doing is even worth it.

There are so many different facets to life and it is difficult to keep all those things in balance on the best of days. We often times are happy to just keep one ball up in the air let alone all of the balls we are juggling constantly. Sometimes it seems like we are spending our whole lives juggling just trying to keep as many balls in the air as we can, and for what purpose. It can often seem like we aren’t making any progress. Life isn’t getting any better. We aren’t’ reaching our goals. So why oh why are we still trying to juggle all these different balls?

We all have families, friendships, and work lives. We have athletic pursuits and hobbies we enjoy. We have creative dreams we want to realize. We are brothers, sisters, husbands, wives, sons, and daughters. We are coworkers, employees, and bosses. We are runners, artists, golfers, writers, and explorers. We don’t have to be trying to invent the next big things or create a unicorn start up or save the world to feel the pressures of failing at life. It is there all the time, ever present. We all have something we aspire to. We want to do the things that we value in our life and we want to do them well. No one wants to feel like they are failing.

Yet, all too often that is exactly how we feel.

One of the hardest things about this feeling of failure is that it often stems from things that are currently beyond our control. There are many things in life that are simply beyond our control. Then there are the things that are more within our purview to control and sometimes we just make mistakes. Sometimes we make decisions that at the time seem perfectly rational and then those decisions come back to bite us later in life, but there is nothing we can do about those things in the here and now.

I think the biggest way to combat this feeling of failure is with acceptance. We have to accept where we are in this moment. We have to accept that it might not be where we ultimately want to be but that is ok. We can only live in the present. We can do the best we can to love the life we are living as we are moving through it. It is not going to be perfect but it is the only life we get.

Once we accept where we are in life and that we cannot change our past we can start to deal with working towards where we want our lives to go. And even that is hard, because it will always feel like that life we always envisioned or dreamed of will never get here. And it’s probably true that the imagined life or the ideal life will never arrive, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop trying to get one step closer to that life. We can live life for the things we love. We can live life for the imperfections and we can revel in those imperfections and know that all the mistakes we make give us yet another opportunity to do something else in our lives.

Live life and enjoy it. Accept the mistakes and embrace failure. It is all part of life. We are humans and we are if nothing else failable and we will fail over and over again, but that is what life is all about. Failing and learning from it and learning how to live with it and love it and make life better because of it.

Today I was really struggling and feeling like I was failing and feeling like I should just give up the things that I push myself to do, but then what be left of life. I decided to process my feelings through writing this post.  

27 Miles on FLT with Friends

I have written often about how running has really been this synergy for me that has allowed me to combine many of the things I enjoy together in new ways. I have always loved getting out into nature, but previously I did not know very many people that loved getting out into nature the same way I did. Now that I have connected with and made friends with so many runners who enjoy nature the way I do it has opened up a whole new world of experiences for me. I can now spend hours and hours outside moving through nature with friends.

Previously I decided I wanted to challenge myself to go out on the trails for a long trail run that ended up being 31 miles (For that story you can link here Finger Lakes Trail Run/Hike). I went alone, because I didn’t know anyone else who I thought would enjoy that. After spending more time getting to know other runners. I decided I wanted to go out and try it again and invited some friends for a 26-mile adventure. It went from a solo adventure to a party of three.

 

This year I was already planning to run a trail marathon and a 50k so I hadn’t really thought about planning any independent adventures. Then my friends who accompanied me on the last suggested that I should plan another long run for us. I want to make this very clear for the record. I was asked to plan a long run for us to adventure on. It was Not my idea. Somehow, I always get the “blame” for these crazy running things that people in my orbit tend to be sucked into. So, I undertook the task of developing a plan for a run.

 

We wanted to run about 26miles. No Further. I was warned. I also wanted this to be a new adventure. We are fortunate to live near the Finger Lakes Trail that traverses most of the southern area of NY. We wanted to explore a new section of the FLT since we had explored one section last time. Part of the challenge of planning this run was the distance and the way the maps are laid out. I am not great at using maps and measuring distances and orienteering etc. On the FLT website, each map section shows its total distance. We knew where we wanted to end so we only had to plot the distance back to where we would start. The problem arose from the fact that the end point was just off of one map section and in the beginning of another map section and not right along the trail. So I had to estimate the distance we would travel on that new map section. Then subtract that from the beginning. If we had been able to stay only on one map section, we would have been able to know exactly how much we would run. Therefore, I subtracted the amount I thought we would run over onto the new map section from the beginning of the map section where we planned most of the run to be. I figured it would be a safe bet if we stated at Birdseye Hollow Park, It was right on the FLT, and we would end in the Sugar Hill State Forest area. Turns out my map skills were off a little bit, about 4 miles, and I would never hear the end of it.

 

I asked some more of our friends that we knew liked to do some trail running if they would be interested in an adventure that would be part run, part hike and likely take all day traversing 26 miles of the FLT. It turns out there are more people out there that want to explore 26 miles on the Finger Lakes Trail. Our number grew from 3 people last year to 5 people this year.

I am the kind of person who enjoys time alone on the trails be it running, hiking, or photographing nature, but there is something to be said for spending an extended period of time out in nature with friends. My wife and I have always enjoyed camping and hiking together, but now I was becoming part of an expanding group of friends that I can explore the wonders of nature with.

 

The beginning heading out of Birds Eye Hollow Park was a nice long relatively flat runnable section. We loved finding a really nice lean-to and camping spot during the early portion of the run. We were all anxious to reach the “Food Truck” at the halfway point. Then the never ending climbing started. When we reached the Sugar Hill area, we started to be ready to be done, some of us more than others. Then we eventually found the road and called it the finish line.

 

Combine running; nature, laughing, talking, and friendship with time, physical challenge, and exhaustion and you are in for a good time. Running, talking, and laughing with your friends while passing through great natural scenery is really a part of life everyone should experience. We weren’t out there to race; we were out there to just have fun and enjoy nature and enjoy each other’s company. I think that this is an aspect that gets lost sometimes in our overly competitive society. Have fun, enjoy the things you enjoy, and find some friends to share it with. I have been very fortunate to meet these friends.

Some of us have a tendency to have some sort of new unfortunate incident on every trail. Some of us get mad at the never-ending trails. Some of us we learned have never-ending song lyrics and dance moves that they let out on the trails. Some of us carry around a camera and photograph it all. Some of us are perfect steady companionship and put up with all the nonsense.

Away From My Desk

Today I am heading out on a camping trip. I am going up to the Adirondacks in upstate NY for some fun and relaxation on my own. People like to say how they are going to disconnect and go off the grid and not use technology while they are away so they can enjoy themselves and live in the moment. I am not really sure that this is the answer, at least not for me. I am not going to stay away from my technology. Technology is what allows me to do what I do. I am going to try to be more present in the moment though.

What that means for me is I am going to stay mostly away from social media. I may check in from time to time and browse my feeds, hopefully a lot less frequently then I do on an average day, but I won’t post any live updates on what I am doing on this trip. No sharing my “Awesome Adventure” with you live. I will have plenty of time to share with you when I return. I will talk to my wife and text with her. That might be the extent of any live updating I do. I hope that it is. Who knows. I may fail at this and you might see me all the time. I have never tried to quit social media before. I believe it has value and enjoy using it. But I also believe it keeps me from getting things done at times. So instead of live updates from me I have scheduled some posts to go up while I am out in the woods camping and working on new projects to share in the future. I am hoping that most if not all of them will be new things you have not seen before. So that’s what will be going on for my web presence for about 10 days.

So what will I be doing on those 10 days? My plan is to engage in all the things I love and don’t get to spend enough time doing on a regular basis. And that is one of the reasons I am specifically not going tech free. My tech allows me to do what I love. I am a photographer therefore I need my gear. I will have more camera gear with my than camping specific gear. I am going to be out there trying to capture exciting photos from my adventure. Then I can share those along with my stories when I come back. Speaking of stories I plan to do a lot of writing on this trip. For me writing requires a lap top. I am going to work on my book and maybe some other things while I am out connecting with the woods.

The things I will be doing that do not require technology will be running, hiking, and hopefully sleeping out under the stars in my hammock. I am camping about 4 miles from Lake Placid and I picked this spot purposefully so that if I wanted to I could literally run down into town and just hang out for a while and then run back to camp, easy peasy. I also picked this spot because I love climbing the mountains and I think this location allows me easiest access as a home base camp to go out exploring each day and hike a new one of the 46 high peaks in the Adirondacks. I have already climbed 3 of them and I would like to add several more before this trip is over. Running is also on the agenda. I don’t know how much I will do exactly but I know I will do some. I have no real plan exactly for that. I will probably be bringing more running clothes with me than anything else. Just so I have plenty of options and opportunity to run whenever it strikes me to run. I really want to try to at least run up one of the high peaks and back down. However, at this point I have no specific plan. Also, another reason I selected my camping location is because there is a trail that leaves from the campground that leads to the summit of a smaller mountain, Scarface Mountain, and I like the idea of being able to summit that mountain whenever I feel like it without having to go anywhere. I would love to get to the summit to watch a sunrise and a sunset then I can just run or hike back down to camp. There really are just endless options of what I can do while I am out there so I am sure I won’t get to everything. But while I am out there enjoying myself I am going to try to record as much of it as is possible on any one of the various cameras I will have with me on this trip.

I also want to get in a decent amount of relaxation. I spent the first half of the year training for my first 50k and while it has been a fun year so far I don’t think I have taken enough time to just sit and relax and I think it has taken a toll on me. I want to lie in my hammock and relax and nap. Or sit back and read a book. I have several on the pile that I need to read and they will all join me on this trip and I will see how many I get through. Last time I took a solo trip I read several books cover to cover, so hopefully I will find some time to read which I do enjoy but have been too tired and to rushed to spend time doing.

Most of all I hope to recharge the batteries doing all the things I love and come back feeling rejuvenated so I can do more and share more with you. I’ll see you in 10 days.

 

 

How to find time to do what we love:

My life has taken so many twists and turns that I would never have imagined.

Very little of my life includes anything I would have imagined for myself as I entered adulthood.

I think one reason for that is that I live my life by feeling and emotion and inspiration. I follow the things that I am passionate about and those things naturally evolve over time and take you far afield from where you ever thought you’d go.

In my pursuit of goals and dreams and happiness I have made decisions that have had consequences. These consequences result in holding me back from truly pursuing my dreams with all my energy. This is the reality we all live in. Our actions have consequences and they cannot be seen at the time. We do the best we can. We stumble and we fall but we get back up again.

For many of us who are motivated to chase dreams and goals we are held back by the practical realities of life. Our jobs and our bills prevent us from pursuing our best selves.

If we are lucky we can carve out enough time outside of our jobs to pursue one other passion on a part time basis. But what if there are more than one element of life we are passionate about.

This is where I am at the present moment. I feel like one of my passions, pursuit of knowledge and education was already snuffed out by the pressures of practical reality and not being able to fit it in with my job and other passions.

Now I struggle as I near a decade at a job that I feel only holds me back, preventing me from being my best self.
My passion for photography and for running has grown over the years driving me to do more and more. I increasingly want to expand what I do. I want to offer more and more through my photography. I want to take on more different and challenging events in running. At this point it just feels like there isn’t enough time in the day to work my 9 to 5 job and pursue both of these passions in a way that makes me happy.

I often feel like I need to choose one over the other. Prioritize one over the other. I can either be the type of photographer I want to be or I can be the type of runner I want to be. Practical reality dictates that I need to choose. Am I destined to be unsatisfied in both pursuits if I try to chase both dreams and work a regular job. Is that a life I can be happy with?

Unfortunately the way life works you sometimes don’t learn what truly makes you happy and what you truly want to devote your life to until later in life. Often by that time we have already made a series of choices that has led us down a particular path or more likely locked us into place on a track. I am in the process of accelerating my car along the track to where I can jump the track and escape the life I inadvertently locked myself into.

This is why I need your support. You are the reason I do what I do. I write and I create art for you. I want to share my experiences and my art with you and only through your support will I be able to do so. Only with your support will I be able to create work that is worthy of you. So please support me on Patreon at the following link so I can continue to grow my experiences and so I can jump the track and provide better for you. You can contribute as little as $1 or as much as you like. Any amount is greatly appreciated. You can also earn rewards by contributing at different levels.

Support my work here: https://www.patreon.com/KRNaturalPhoto

What I learned from running 31 miles

There are many reasons to run. One reason that I run is because I feel like running teaches me about life. There are so many life lessons that can be learned through running. I have learned so much about myself from this journey I have taken into running.

One thing I have learned is something that might sound totally obvious. If you want to accomplish something it takes work. You might be thinking, “Well of course it does.” Let me explain what I mean.

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I have been very fortunate in my life. I have been able to accomplish a lot of goals I have set my sights on in my life. Things I never would have thought I would do. I graduated college. I earned a masters degree. I continued grad school after my master’s degree. I learned photograph and became pretty good at it. I sold photographs. I became a published writer and photographer. I ran a 5k, then a 10k, then a half marathon, then a 25k. I swear I am not just trying to humble brag. I am very proud of those achievements and they took effort, but they did not take maximum effort.

There were many things I coasted on using mostly natural ability or did the bare minimum to get by. Many things I just chipped away slowly at without a big surge of effort. Very few things in life have I put my maximal effort into, yet I have been able to achieve a lot. I am very fortunate. I try to stay humble.

I am not a naturally gifted runner. No one would mistake me for one and if you saw me on the streets you would not likely think I am a runner. But I have been able to do a lot in running. I have been able to increase the distances I have run over time by just adding a little more effort and a little more training each time. I never put in maximal effort to achieve the best I could do at an event.  I did the bare minimum to achieve the desired outcome.

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This year I had my sights set on something much bigger. I was going to double the distance I had ever run from a 25k to a 50k and not only that I was going to run a very challenging 50k. Not only did I want to accomplish this goal I wanted to do as well as I could at it. I wanted to enjoy this accomplishment throughout the process when I ran the race. I did not want to suffer through it which would be the case if I put in less than my best effort in training. I committed to training for this race like I have never trained before. I trained hard. I ran when I didn’t want to run. I ran in conditions I didn’t want to run in. I was focused and determined to succeed at this and do the best I could and that required being committed to the whole process and not just the final end goal.

All that hard work and determination prepared me to run the race of my life. I did not win the race, not even close. That wasn’t even a consideration for me. But I did run the best race I could at that time. I was prepared to run the best I could because I put in the work. I enjoyed running a tough race. I did not suffer through it. It was a challenging experience but the kind of challenge that makes you feel good.

Now I am ready to commit to a new goal. One I have thought about and talked about off and on for a long time. I have worked on it in fits and starts. It is one of the many things that took a back seat to my commitment to training for a 50k. But that training has taught me that I am ready and that if I commit to the process I can succeed.

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Over the years I have talked about writing a book. I started writing it over a decade ago. I have worked on it off and on. I have started working on query letters and book proposals on and off over the last few years. I am always slowly inching closer to maybe possibly some day accomplishing this goal. Now things are going to change.

I love the quote my Michael Jordan where he says “I have failed over and over again, and that is why I succeed.” I failed to complete my PhD because I was not committed enough to the process I was not putting in the work I needed to. If I had unlimited time to work on it I probably would have gotten it done, but that is not how things work. I ran out of time because I didn’t commit enough time and energy to it. Well, I am going to learn from that failure and from this success. My future goals will be approached from a new direction.

Starting now I am going to commit to the goal of writing a book the same way I committed to running a 50k. I am going to be determined to working on the book process 5 days a week. Working on the book will be my number one priority on the list of tasks to get done. Everything else will have to play second fiddle and get balanced and worked on after my work for the day is done on the book. I will work on the book 1 hour a day 3 days a week during the work week. I will work on the book 2 to 4 hours a day on weekends. This will be just like the amount of time I committed to training for and running a 50k. This is a goal I will achieve and it will not be some goal that I will achieve some day. It will be a goal I will achieve soon.

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I will put in the work I need to get this done. Other projects that I want to pursue may have to be put on the shelf until this one is complete. Some things that are ongoing projects will be scaled back while I work on this goal with singular determination. One thing that means is that there may be less writing here on my website. I hope that everyone following me will still stay in touch and reach out to ask me how things are going. I do love to write so I will still try to post regularly here. I will try to have more short posts so I can stay in touch.

The first task I need to accomplish for this goal is to finish writing my book proposal. In its current form it is probably 50% complete. I need to research some items and then complete it and send it out to agents. Those are my next steps. Wish me luck and feel free to send me as many messages as you’d like regarding this. I would love to hear from anyone who has experience in this realm as I chase this dream.

What do you think I will be writing a book about? Let me hear your guesses.

Please consider supporting my work on Patreon at KRNaturalPhoto and join with the others who already do so I can continue to work on projects like this. You can support me for as little as $1 a month.

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2018 Walk A Mile In My Shoes

I may have met many of my friends through running but we are all so much more than runners. For me I am among other things a photographer. One of my friends I’ve met through running works in one of the most challenging fields you can, mental health. She puts on what I consider a very important community event. This year I was fortunate enough to be a part of this event again. I am always happy to find ways to use my talents to support our local community.

Walk a Mile in my Shoes is a community wide suicide awareness event held in Elmira, NY. This year was the 13th year this event has been held. Over 2,000 people attended this event to show their support for suicide prevention and awareness.

This is a truly moving event to be part of. Seeing so many people coming together to recognize the importance of such an important issue. So many people are affected by issues surrounding mental health either directly or indirectly. I am sure we all know someone who has experienced difficulties with mental health, and maybe we don’t even know that we do. This community event helps to show that there are people out there that support anyone who is experiencing difficulties with mental health.

Community events like Walk A Mile In My Shoes will help to break the stigma that unfortunately continues to exist around mental health. Mental health is something we need to talk about all the time. It is something that we need to make easy to discuss. That way when people struggle they can easily come forward and receive the help they need. It is sad that it often takes an act of courage to come forward to address mental health issues because of the way our society can treat those who are suffering the most.

I have learned a lot from people who have worked in fields related to mental health and from those who struggle with mental health.

Mental Health is a difficult subject to talk about. Despite my years of study and times spent with others on the front lines it really doesn’t seem to get easier.

I usually consider myself a pretty good writer and think that I can find the words I want especially regarding topics that are important to me or that I am knowledgeable and this is both. But still the right words are not there to convey the importance of this topic and the importance of this event to our community.

This event is simply a powerful and emotional experience. To see so many people come together who have shared perspective. People who have shared experiences. People who know how important just that one word or just that one person for support is. It is truly moving.

I am glad we have people in our community who know the importance of mental health and people who show up to support mental health awareness.