Category Archives: failure

Gear Challenges

Over the years my photography has taken on many shapes. There have been twists and turns and unexpected adventures. That is part of what makes my photography so exciting to me, the unexpected. As my photography has changed and evolved over the years my approach to photography changes and my needs change. The very things I need to create my photography may change.

Pico Peak in Vermont

Over the last several years I began running and then my photography followed along and running became a large part of my photography. It started with mostly photographing races that other people were running. But then there was this shift in my mind. I love nature and my running allows me to explore more of nature than I can just hiking. I wanted to be able to photograph the places my running takes me and where it takes others. This often means getting out in nature and of the beaten path.

When you are running and trying to photograph your adventures it can get complicated. There are specific things you need for long distance adventures like food and water and you need to be able to carry that with you out in the forest where you will have no access to it if you don’t bring it with you. And when you are running you can’t really carry a 300mm lens attached to a DSLR while you are trail running. You can’t even really carry a regular size lens like a 18-200mm zoom lens on a DLSR with a battery grip. You can’t really carry something like that in your hands while you run for an extended period of time. What if you fall or just drop it into a stream or off a ledge? And how would you get to your food and water if your hands are full of camera gear?

Mt. Tom Challenge

Trying to find the right combination of running gear and photography gear means compromises. And sometimes compromises that are less than satisfying at times. I first found a small Nikon mirror less SLR that I could fit into my belt pack as I ran. That was annoying as the weight caused it to bounce around at my waist as I ran. However, it did allow me to capture some pretty good images even on my first attempt at this pursuit.

I then upgraded my running gear to a hydration vest for longer adventures and this allowed for a more secure location to put my small camera. I also began using GoPro cameras to create time lapse footage and capture candid moments as well as create some video components. The GoPro cameras were a nice addition but they did not allow for the control that I would have with an SLR style camera and both the GoPro and the mirror less camera I have been using do not have quite as high quality image capacity as I would like either. I also always worry about getting stuck out in the rain with my mirror less camera and having that get ruined as my iPhone was. That is the advantage with the GoPro cameras they are designed for this type of adventuring and can withstand it physically but then there is a compromise with what you can do with them and the image quality of photographs.

Hyner View Trail

I would like to find a system that would allow me to carry one of my DSLR cameras with a smaller wide angle lens attached perhaps in a small backpack format. I really a have not found many options that might work like that. It would need to be a relatively small backpack that can be tightened down to not bounce around while running and it would also need to be able to carry food and water. And on top of all that the camera and food and water would all need to be easily accessible. I don’t want to have to stop incessantly to get different gear out. I need to be able to do this literally on the run. I found one option that might possibly meet some of those needs but not all. So that would create yet another different type of compromise.

Another possibility is investing in adifferent type of camera, yet again. One that meets more of my needs. Thechallenge there is two fold. First is it a good financial strategy to constantlybe trying to upgrade or change gear in order to meet the goals that I have. Theother concern is that if I buy new gear I then have to learn how to use it. Tosomeone who is not a photographer it might sound silly to say I have to learnhow to use this new camera. I mean, it’s just a camera push the shutter andtake picture right? But unfortunately every camera is at very least minimallydifferent to operate even if you are using ones from the same manufacturer. Iuse mostly Nikon cameras and each one of them is from slightly to drasticallydifferent. The biggest difference is in switching from a DSLR o a mirror lesscamera system. So then if I ended up having to buy a camera from a differentmanufacturer to meet my needs that differences could be even more exaggerated.So then on top of learning a new camera there is the challenge of masteringeach camera and remembering it between uses. You don’t use all your gear allthe time. Some items are for special purposes. So if you don’t use it all thetime you have to re-familiarize yourself with the camera so you can rememberhow to use it especially if you need to be able to operate it on the fly. I amnot sure that is practical or even a good idea.

STRC Trail Fest at Grist Iron

I love photographing running events with my DSLR and 70-200 mm f2.8 lens. Ideally I would love to find an option that would allow me to carry that lens and food and water so I could run a course with the runner and photograph them at all different pints as they move through the course. But I just don’t know if that is something that will ever happen.

There are just so many variables that need to be considered and addressed. I am hoping that as I see more and more people out there trying to do things similar to what I am doing that more and more options will become available. 

Does it mean that I have a unique creative vision that I can’t find the gear that allows me to do what I want or am I just crazy for wanting to try to do something that just doesn’t seem possible?

Lucifer’s Crossing

Ideas to Execution

I am an idea person. I have lots of ideas. Ideas and thoughts of all kinds constantly spring to mind. Ideas that excite me and motivate me and make me want to take action and do things. But that is where the problem is, I am an idea person.

I am not great at executing my ideas. If an idea energizes me enough I will often start working on it and even make some significant progress. But eventually the energy and the motivation fades as I lack the motivation and determination to see the idea through to completion. There are so many notes and half written projects stored on my computer. So many ideas that just haven’t gotten off the ground because I lose steam.

Recompence Shore Campground_July 08, 2012_120

Ideas are easy. Execution is hard. I am not a good planner. I am not good at the details. I am not good at all the concrete actual things that need to happen to transform an idea from a thought into something tangible in the real world. It is one of my biggest human failings.

Sometimes ideas never emerge in a completed fashion because another idea comes along and crowds out other ideas with the energy that comes with the excitement of something new. Sometimes an idea never materializes because I simply forget to follow through.

Other times ideas never go anywhere because I am afraid. That most terrible and unstoppable of human emotions. That one emotion that can stop us in our tracks and completely undo us. The one emoton above all others that most of the time is completely unfounded. The fear and anxiety that comes along with trying to do something great. Trying to do something real that you believe in personally is the scariest most anxiety producing thing a person can do. What if you fail at this dream you’ve had. What does that say about you.

This has been one of my biggest struggles. The constant fight against the fear and anxiety that emerges every time I take on a new idea and try to make it real. I am desperately trying to overcome this hurdle. This website with everything that is on it is part of overcoming that hurdle. I try to regularly add new content. I try to write new posts and share new photos. When you see long stretches of time where that has not happened, that is when the fear and anxiety has gripped me. That is where I wanted so badly to share something but just couldn’t find the strength to actually type the words.

Sometimes it takes something big happening in your life to give you the fortitude to do the things you have always wanted to do. It might not even be a good thing that has happened, but you might be able to draw purpose from it. That purpose will fuel you and give you the strength and determination to work on the things that you are passionate about. Accomplishments come most naturally when they involve the things that matter most to you.

For me the things that are most important to me are dogs and running, especially in the past few years. So when you look at my website you will find that most of my content has to do with dogs or running. I include e a lot of photographs in my content. I love photography but photography is not what I love to talk about. My content is not about photography. My love of photography allows me to communicate about the things that are most important to me. I am probably a better communicator through my photography than through my writing but hopefully they complement each other well and people appreciate the work.

Find the things that make you tick and find the energy to create something from that.

Cornell Plantations_April 25, 2017_22

Ideas that never see the light of day

I find that throughout the day I have a variety of ideas come to mind.  Bet this happens to you too. I often have enough ideas pop into my head that at some point I have forgotten at least one or more of the ideas I thought of. Some ideas are not important and are little frivolous things with really no significant consequences if I forget them. Other ideas are more important to me and may have to do with business, photography, art, dogs, or a variety of other topics that interest me. Some of these ideas are things that I would like to research a little more or read up on. Some of them I would like to write down and see if I can find a way to make these ideas work for me in some real way and incorporate them into my life. To help me do this I have started writing things down more (typing them up in my Evernote app). This way I at least don’t forget them and can come back to them and reference them and rewrite things and make changes and updates as I find out more information.

I find that actually making my ideas happen is where my shortcomings factor in. I love to think of things and think about things. I have a constant flow of information that I like to read and listen to and this inspires me with new ideas and thoughts frequently. And these ideas get added to my list. I write them down and describe what I think I would like to do. And then……. And then nothing. It fizzles out. That nice long list of ideas and goals and projects that I have generates very little actual action. Nothing gets produced. Nothing gets done. It’s not that I stop thinking about the ideas or topics I have noted. It’s that I just can’t bring myself to make any further progress. I am a world class procrastinator for one. I can always find a reason to put things off or something else I can do instead. Like write down more ideas. I also, as many people probably do, experience significant anxiety about taking any further action on a variety of tasks. This part of making it real creates some real, at least in my mind, fear. Fear of exposing myself to the world, or that one person I have to send this to, to try to move on to the next step. I am afraid I will be rejected. Afraid to be exposed as a fraud. Afraid to succeed? If I take that next step and I am not rejected then I have to do more work and then probably expose myself to even more people and possibly even more rejection. Is it in my head or is it real? I don’t know. Maybe it’s both.

While the fear and anxiety may be real, is it justified? If I am rejected what have I really lost or suffered? There is no real physical threat but the threat is to my psyche and my psyche is very sensitive to that threat. I should be able to overcome it. I tell myself this all the time. It is not logical to fear sending an email, making a phone call, or submitting my photography to an editor. What is the worst that can happen? They can tell me no thanks or just ignore me. And I have been told no in the past and it hasn’t hurt me and it hasn’t closed the doors to those opportunities. I can contact other people with my ideas and get a yes eventually if I keep trying. So why is it that I have such a hard time moving on to this phase of idea and project fulfillment? Perhaps I will never know. Maybe I am not meant to know. It seems so simple. Just write a letter and hit send. But it is so much easier for some reason for me to sit here in my cozy box in my comfort zone where I do not have to take that chance. I don’t have to reach out and make contact and expose myself. Will I ever be truly happy in my career that way? Probably not, but I will be safe. Do I want only to be safe? No I want to be happy. I have spent my whole life with the single-minded idea that I want a career I enjoy and find fulfillment in. SO why is it so hard for me to take the necessary steps to make that happen. Why am I afraid of finding happiness, of fulfilling myself? Maybe I am afraid that after all of this work and thought I will be wrong and I will not be fulfilled by my choice of pursuits. Maybe that is the real fear that is holding me back.