After years of being a vegetarian I finally made the leap to eating a vegan diet. Being vegan was always the goal anyway. I simply lacked the confidence to go all the way in the beginning and for years after. After being vegetarian for years and not really missing meat I realized that I was really just making excuses for not being vegan.
Taking on a vegetarian diet really helped me get myself to a level of fitness and health that I had never been in before. But, after being used to it for a while I began to get complacent. A big part of wanting to be vegetarian was about being healthier and eating healthier, but now I was eating lots more cheese and dairy than maybe I ever did as an omnivore.
In many ways 2019 was a really good year. 2019 was also a year I faced some significant struggles. I am sure this is the same for many of you. The good is always mixed with the bad or so it seems. I spent the year struggling to find balance in a lot of ways. I set PRs and accomplished huge goals I never dreamed of in some arenas, but struggled with actual physical pain like never before as well that held me back in a lot of ways. The pain and challenges I was experiencing cascaded and I am sure impacted my mental health in some negative ways.
So, I am going to take some time here to talk about my mental health. In a lot of ways I have been very fortunate. I have been relatively healthy both physically and mentally. I have seen others go through much worse than I ever have. And I think that is part of what makes mental health a difficult topic for me to talk about. I have not suffered through what I know so many others have, so some times it feels like to complain would be to do a disservice to everything they have experienced.
I think one
of the biggest challenges in life is that from time to time we all will
experience this sense of failure. No matter what we are doing in our lives or
how well of we are or how much we are struggling there will be times were we
just have this sense of could we really be doing any worse than we are. We will
question ourselves. We will wonder if what we are doing is even worth it.
There are so many different facets to life and it is difficult to keep all those things in balance on the best of days. We often times are happy to just keep one ball up in the air let alone all of the balls we are juggling constantly. Sometimes it seems like we are spending our whole lives juggling just trying to keep as many balls in the air as we can, and for what purpose. It can often seem like we aren’t making any progress. Life isn’t getting any better. We aren’t’ reaching our goals. So why oh why are we still trying to juggle all these different balls?
My life has taken so many twists and turns that I would never have imagined.
Very little of my life includes anything I would have imagined for myself as I entered adulthood.
I think one reason for that is that I live my life by feeling and emotion and inspiration. I follow the things that I am passionate about and those things naturally evolve over time and take you far afield from where you ever thought you’d go.
In my pursuit of goals and dreams and happiness I have made decisions that have had consequences. These consequences result in holding me back from truly pursuing my dreams with all my energy. This is the reality we all live in. Our actions have consequences and they cannot be seen at the time. We do the best we can. We stumble and we fall but we get back up again.
This weekend I have quite a few things going on. It is a double edged sword when your life is so full of activity that you aren’t sure that you can fit it all in. There are so many aspects of my life that I love end derive joy from, however sometimes all of those things collide in a short time frame and can create a significant amount of stress. This weekend my photography life and my running life are colliding hard core. I am currently training for a 50k trail race and simultaneously trying to expand my photography business as well as maintain services I have provided in the past.
For my race training I need to run 20 miles on Saturday and I need to run at least 10 miles Sunday. On Saturday morning I have the privileged of photographing an important community event, Walk A Mile In My Shoes. This is a suicide awareness event that is held in my home town of Elmira, NY. This is a very well done event and it receives a ton of support from the community. I have photographed this event in the past and it is always a rewarding experience. Also, on Saturday evening I have scheduled a nature photography workshop. Holding photography workshops is something I am beginning to do new this year. I really wanted to have an early spring workshop and this seemed like a good time to have it. I have a busy early half of the year and this was the only weekend that would relay allow it to happen at all. In between those two events I will somehow squeeze in a 20 mile run, and I am not particularly fast so it is quite time consuming.
I wrote this following the previous post about Paxton in 2016 and I am sharing it with you now, as I recovered this when I recovered the previous post.
I think one of the most important aspects of life in learning. If you have gone through life and haven’t learned anything you are missing out. Learning comes in many forms. I don’t just mean learning through formal education. There is plenty to be learned through life experiences.
Learning can be fun and exciting. We can learn new skills and learn about things that interest us. We can enjoy what we are doing when we learn. This is a good form of learning.
There is also learning that comes through our mistakes. Sometimes we mess up. It is inevitable. This is where it is critical to learn. No one wants to make the same mistakes over and over and never learn from them.