Category Archives: time

Ideas that never see the light of day

I find that throughout the day I have a variety of ideas come to mind.  Bet this happens to you too. I often have enough ideas pop into my head that at some point I have forgotten at least one or more of the ideas I thought of. Some ideas are not important and are little frivolous things with really no significant consequences if I forget them. Other ideas are more important to me and may have to do with business, photography, art, dogs, or a variety of other topics that interest me. Some of these ideas are things that I would like to research a little more or read up on. Some of them I would like to write down and see if I can find a way to make these ideas work for me in some real way and incorporate them into my life. To help me do this I have started writing things down more (typing them up in my Evernote app). This way I at least don’t forget them and can come back to them and reference them and rewrite things and make changes and updates as I find out more information.

I find that actually making my ideas happen is where my shortcomings factor in. I love to think of things and think about things. I have a constant flow of information that I like to read and listen to and this inspires me with new ideas and thoughts frequently. And these ideas get added to my list. I write them down and describe what I think I would like to do. And then……. And then nothing. It fizzles out. That nice long list of ideas and goals and projects that I have generates very little actual action. Nothing gets produced. Nothing gets done. It’s not that I stop thinking about the ideas or topics I have noted. It’s that I just can’t bring myself to make any further progress. I am a world class procrastinator for one. I can always find a reason to put things off or something else I can do instead. Like write down more ideas. I also, as many people probably do, experience significant anxiety about taking any further action on a variety of tasks. This part of making it real creates some real, at least in my mind, fear. Fear of exposing myself to the world, or that one person I have to send this to, to try to move on to the next step. I am afraid I will be rejected. Afraid to be exposed as a fraud. Afraid to succeed? If I take that next step and I am not rejected then I have to do more work and then probably expose myself to even more people and possibly even more rejection. Is it in my head or is it real? I don’t know. Maybe it’s both.

While the fear and anxiety may be real, is it justified? If I am rejected what have I really lost or suffered? There is no real physical threat but the threat is to my psyche and my psyche is very sensitive to that threat. I should be able to overcome it. I tell myself this all the time. It is not logical to fear sending an email, making a phone call, or submitting my photography to an editor. What is the worst that can happen? They can tell me no thanks or just ignore me. And I have been told no in the past and it hasn’t hurt me and it hasn’t closed the doors to those opportunities. I can contact other people with my ideas and get a yes eventually if I keep trying. So why is it that I have such a hard time moving on to this phase of idea and project fulfillment? Perhaps I will never know. Maybe I am not meant to know. It seems so simple. Just write a letter and hit send. But it is so much easier for some reason for me to sit here in my cozy box in my comfort zone where I do not have to take that chance. I don’t have to reach out and make contact and expose myself. Will I ever be truly happy in my career that way? Probably not, but I will be safe. Do I want only to be safe? No I want to be happy. I have spent my whole life with the single-minded idea that I want a career I enjoy and find fulfillment in. SO why is it so hard for me to take the necessary steps to make that happen. Why am I afraid of finding happiness, of fulfilling myself? Maybe I am afraid that after all of this work and thought I will be wrong and I will not be fulfilled by my choice of pursuits. Maybe that is the real fear that is holding me back.
 

Devastating news for our dog Cami

Received some pretty devastating news today. Our dog Cami has been having a lot of health concerns over the last several weeks. She hasn’t been eating much lately so after trying a wide variety of food with very little being eaten we took her to the vet. The vet initially thought she may have been having a bad reaction to the pain meds she was on resulting in an irritation of her GI tract causing her to not want to eat. She prescribed some antibiotics and gave her a couple of shots. I was glad to hear this diagnosis from the vet as it gave me hope for Cami’s recovery and return to good health. But something in my gut told me that it was something more than that. After several more days of Cami not eating she went back to the vet this morning for a more extensive work up. My wife Debby was going to drop her off and then I was going to pick he up when I got out of work. Fortunately Debby ended up staying at the vet. The vet was able to determine very quickly that Cami has lung cancer and Debby was able to take her home so she didn’t have to stay at the vet’s for any unnecessary time. Sometimes being right is not a good thing. I love our vets they always lavish love, attention, and empathy on our animals when they are there and I appreciate all the work they do as they patiently answer our questions and provide us with the information we need. I am glad we have been able to find such great veterinarians to provide wonderful care for our animals as I know they will work tirelessly to guide us through this difficult time as we decide how best to care for Cami.  I am glad that at least for now Cami still seems very happy and active despite her reluctance to eat so I am hopeful we will have more time with her. So now Debby and I will summon the strength to confront the difficult times that all animal lovers must go through as our beloved companions face the ends of their all to short lives. We will do everything in our power to make sure she has the best life possible for what time remains.