The author Steven Pressfield talks about Resistance. The force that keeps us from pursue it our creative passions. Ever since being introduced to his ideas it has become more and more obvious to me. The resistance is holding me back.

I have struggled this year a lot with my writing here on this blog. And I have struggled pushing through the Resistance to work on other creative projects. Even saying yes to projects I would normally jump at that just fell into my lap has been hard.

I am even more self conscious of my lack now more than ever. After two years where I published 365+ blog posts each year. At least one blog post every day. This year has felt so unproductive. I have had to fight more and more for every piece of art I put out into the world.

My goal for this year is 1 blog post every week. And sometimes it feels daunting. It feels like I might fail at this task. Even though I know I can easily accomplish it. Just look at my past track records. I CAN DO THIS. But it doesn’t stick.

There are just so many easy ways to NOT write. To not click the keys. Not pressing send. Not Shipping.

The natural state of things is to be NOT writing. I don’t have to DO anything to not write. I have to consciously decide to write. Writing takes effort and mental capacity. I need to make the mental space for it. I need to decide when and where to do it. Writing isn’t going to happen on its own. I need to make it happen. I am in charge of my writing. But if I don’t actively take charge then the writing simply doesn’t happen. Resistance wins.

Is this easier or harder for someone who like me is not a full time professional creator who regularly gets paid to create works of art in one form or another? I don’t know, but sometimes it feels like it is.

For me it feels this way, because there is no one who really will care if I stop putting my fingers to the keyboard. There is no publishing company or manager, or agent waiting to hear form me.

I have always been the kind of person who procrastinates everything. Nd I mean EVERYTHING. So this even happens with things that I enjoy. Things that I find rewarding will get put off because I can always do that later.

When I was in school my only saving grace was that there was a deadline when assignments had to be turned in. I thrived on the deadline. OMG!!! My project is due tomorrow!!! Then I would put my head down and crank out whatever was required of me. Often with decent success at least as far as my teachers were concerned. It was and still is a very vicious negative feedback loop. I would get rewarded for waiting to the last minute by getting good (good enough for me) grades. So, I never learned that I needed to do anything other than wait till the last minute to do the work.

But, now as an adult in the real world it has been an and still is a lifelong struggle for me.

There are so many things I can and will do, but first I have to fight this battle with the Resistance. I will see you again after I win my next battle.

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